


To All the Boys I've Loved Before AU

by Cosimas_Ass



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Inspired by To All The Boys I've Loved Before, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:08:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26671906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cosimas_Ass/pseuds/Cosimas_Ass
Summary: James writes love letters to boys he will never be with. Somehow they get out.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	To All the Boys I've Loved Before AU

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by my dear friend Crane. Also, I absolutely love Sharon Carter but this story needs a villain and she makes the most sense. If that bothers you, then please keep that in mind.

James Barnes was absolutely certain that the universe was out to get him. His sister, Natasha, was moving to fucking Russia for college and leaving his depressed, introverted ass all alone for two more years of high school. Well, alone wasn’t exactly the right word. He had his little brother, Peter, but younger siblings didn’t count. Except for him. Who Natasha was ABANDONING.

“Why do you have to go literally as far away as humanly possible?” James grumbled as he flopped down onto Natasha’s empty bed. All her belongings were in neatly stacked and labeled boxes, ready to be packed up into the car as soon as Dad and Peter were done making dinner. 

Natasha laughed, sitting next to her brother. “Well, I wanted to get as far away from your lame ass as I could, obviously.” 

James rolled over to look her in the eyes. “Who will I sit with at lunch?”

“You have friends, James, don’t forget. You have Sam and Peggy and…” She trailed off.

“See?! I only have two friends, and one of them is your boyfriend.”

Natasha laughed and pushed James off the bed. “He was your friend first. You don’t get to play that card.”

Just then, the doorbell rang. “Speak of the devil,” James muttered from the floor as Natasha made her way down to let her boyfriend in. 

James watched from the landing as Sam entered. When Sam saw him, he smiled and James was struck again at how absolutely stunning he was. He was one of those guys who could have been a jock if he had any passion for sports. Sam loved running, but all his free time was taken up with ROTC because he wanted to be in the Air Force more than anything else. 

Way back before Natasha was interested in anything as “gross as romance” (her words) Sam had been James’s first boyfriend. Well, boy... friend. They had done everything together since the day Sam’s family had moved in next door. They would get into all kinds of trouble together and whenever James’ parents would ask whose idea it had been, Sam always stepped up and took the blame, even when it wasn’t true. That’s what made James fall in love with him in the first place. 

Then Natasha started dating him and the possibility of being with him the way James wanted was off he table. James, with no one else to turn to, did the only think he could think of and wrote a letter. He had done this a handful of times over the years. He had five letters upstairs in a bag hidden in the top shelf of his closet. They were all written years ago, but he liked to get them out and re-read them sometimes, some to laugh at, others to daydream what might have been.

The first was to Clint Barton, who was his archery partner at the summer camp they went to when he was ten. Clint loved all the same things James did: dogs and pizza. He was also the best archer in the camp. Largely due to him, they won a little trophy and got to be first in line at dinner. They even shared a bunk bed, and every night they stayed up whispering until the counselor yelled at them to go to sleep. 

Next was T’challa, who he met at Model UN. He was smart and funny and by far the best diplomat there that day. James followed him around like a puppy, and when the conference was over, he was sure that he would never forget him, even though he would probably never see him again. 

Then in the seventh grade he went to his first semi-real party, with guys and girls and _spin the bottle_. He had his first kiss with the one and only Steve Rogers. Steve was a lot different back then. He was skinny, pale, and had these big glasses he had to keep pushing up his nose. The poor kid was rarely there during middle school; he was always sick with obscure deathly diseases. But James thought he was cute. He had this fight in his eyes that made James want to rile him up. Once they hit high school, Steve had a major growth spurt that made him some kind of Adonis. He got contacts, a cheerleader girlfriend, and became the starting linebacker on the football team. James didn’t stand a chance in hell, even if that girlfriend hadn’t been Sharon Carter.

James Barnes and Sharon Carter had been nigh inseparable until the start of high school, when she became a queen bee type, or as much of one actually happens in real, non-movie high schools. She went to parties, talked to boys, and had an image to maintain. An image that did not include greasy, grungy, disabled James Barnes. 

James had lost his arm in a car accident when he was really young. In its place, he got a cool metal prosthetic arm that had been designed by one of the kids in his class.

Tony Stark was love letter number five. They met during robotics club freshman year. Tony took one look at James’s prosthetic and, with that famous smirk of his, asked if he wanted a better one. He had shrugged and said sure, not thinking anything would come from it. 

For the next month and a half, Tony was glued to his side. He was always asking questions and begging him to try on prototypes to tell him what he thought. Tony looked at his arm like a beautiful puzzle, and he didn’t act disgusted or pitying. The arm he made for him was an absolute masterpiece, and James almost felt bad for taking it, especially for free. But Tony laughed him off saying he was “a literal genius and a literal billionaire, don't sweat it” and so James didn’t. He expected the attention to stop when the project was done, but it didn’t. They even went as friends to homecoming. However, at the end of freshman year he met an upperclassman, Pepper Potts, and pretty much fell off the radar for anyone but her and his best friend Rhodey. James was a little hurt by this, but ultimately happy that Tony had found someone he was really in love with. 

Then Sam and Nat got together, and suddenly James knew that he loved Sam, and that now he could never have him. He would never do that to Natasha, even if by some miracle of God Sam was ever into him. 

So James wrote the letters and left it at that. That was enough for him. He had his rom-coms and his books; he didn’t need a romance of his own. He was enough without someone as his other half. And if there was a small voice in the back of his head that muttered about how it sure would be nice for someone to be interested in him, well, he could ignore that easily enough.

“Dinner’s ready!” Peter’s voice from the dining room snapped him out of his reverie. James sighed and followed Natasha and Sam into the dining room where his little brother had done his best to make a good going-away dinner for Nat. (Lasagna and garlic bread. It's a good thing that Nat claimed to love burnt cheese, because that is mostly what was on it.)

“Smells great, Dr. Banner,” Sam said, helping Dad and Peter bring the last of the food over to the table. 

“Thanks Sam, although most of the credit goes to Pete here,” He replied, ruffling his youngest son’s hair while he spoke. “So, this is it.” Dad continued as they all sat at the table, “The last time we’ll all be together until Christmas.”

“CHRISTMAS?!!” Peter and James shouted in unison. “What about Thanksgiving?” 

Natasha spoke up, “It's too expensive to come back for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I’m just gonna stay there until winter break.”

“The whole semester?” Peter seemed close to tears. “You’ll be gone for four whole months?”

James world seemed to tilt around him. This was so much worse than he feared. 

“I know it sucks,” Natasha said, “I’ll miss the hell out of you guys.”

Sam cracked a conspiratorial smile as Dad muttered, “Language, Natasha.”

“Well, maybe you don’t have to miss all of us over Thanksgiving break.” Sam said, pulling an envelope out of his pocket and setting it on the table, revealing a plane ticket. “We put the Us in Russia.” His eyes were shining brightly and so, so happily; James tried not to take it to heart.

Natasha didn’t even roll her eyes at the terrible pun, and her face looked like some cross between scared and sad. Across the table, James and Peter exchanged confused glances. She gave him a “we will talk about this later” look. Dad coughed uncomfortably and changed the subject. 

“So, James, you’re gonna have to learn how to drive, now that Nat isn’t gonna be here to chauffeur you around anymore.” 

“And somebody has to drive me!” Peter piped up. “I wanna join the robotics club with Ned and MJ. You get to program these little robots and they have competitions and everything!” 

“Do I have to?” James grumbled quietly. He did not like driving. He was bad at it, for starters, and it made him anxious as well. Every time anything mildly dangerous happened when he was behind the wheel—someone cut him off or went in the wrong order at a four-way stop—he couldn’t help but think about the car accident that took his arm and his mother away from him. 

Sam, who had been quiet after his gift was not received the way he had expected it to be, spoke up. “I can drive you when you need me to. I mean, I’m only 20 feet that way.” He joked, pointing his thumb in the direction of his house. 

James smiled gratefully, Peter said “Oh thank GOD”, and they dug into their burnt cheese lasagna. 

Later that night, after the dishes had been washed and the ice cream sandwiches had been eaten, James watched out his bedroom window as Sam and Nat had what looked like a very sad argument. After a few minutes and a final hug goodbye, they both made their way back into their houses, and James flopped down on his bed and stared at his ceiling until Natasha with catlike silence, laid next to him. 

“I broke up with Sam.” She said, voice even. “We decided the long-distance thing wouldn't work.”

“We?” James asked rolling on his side to look at her. Natasha continued staring at the ceiling but one tear snaked out of the corner of her eye. 

“I. I decided. It’s not fair to either of us and it would’ve happened eventually. This way we can both get a clean slate when school starts again.” 

James frowned and sat up. “But don’t you love him?” 

Nat sighed. “I do, but I’m moving thousands of miles away. That would be difficult for any relationship and he’s going to be busy with his senior year and I’m going to be busy learning how to live in a different country and-” She paused and sat up. “It’s just not realistic.” 

They sat in silence for a minute and Natasha gazed around his room. “This place is a pigsty, dude. You should get rid of some stuff. Dad’s already got a bunch of shit from me to take to the shelter.” 

James rolled his eyes. “Can we go back to talking about your breakup?”

“I’m serious, James. You gotta set a good example for Peter.” 

“Ughhhhh, fine. I’ll get rid of some stuff, but I’m not happy about it.” 

Natasha ruffled his long hair affectionately. “Noted.” 

The next morning when the boxes were safely packed into the car and Peter had read Natasha’s Packing List out loud (twice) James hugged his sister for the last time (for the next four months anyway). 

“Don’t forget about us,” He mumbled into her now-damp shoulder. 

“Never. I’m always just a phone call or video chat away.” James turned away, embarrassed by his own tears. Peter wasn’t even trying to hide his as he came in for a hug next. 

James and Peter watched as their dad and sister drove away. After they turned the corner down the street, James glanced over and saw Sam inconspicuously cleaning his car and knew he had been there to see her off too, in the only way he was allowed.


End file.
